Help Me See - Living Through Seeing

Unconditional love & acceptance of what is…unless what is, is me.

When I can’t be with myself or what is, I turn to repetition.Why do I listen to the same song over and over and over and over again?
Is it because they are saying something I wish I could?Is it because it makes me feel something I can’t muster up for myself?Is it because I’m looking for permission to feel something I haven’t even let myself acknowledge?Why do I watch the same shows over and over and over again?
Is it because I want to feel comforted and familiar without having to actually participate?Is it because I feel braced for what I know occurs and I don’t have to feel it fresh and hard?Is it because I won’t allow space for something I don’t already know?
Why do I prefer to read or write about things instead of doing the thing itself?
If I read about writing instead of actually writing, I can feel like I’m in that world without actually having to be in the work of it.If I read about others thoughts on philosophy and life, I can breathe the sigh of relief that I’m not as alien as I thought and lessen the compulsion to have to articulate myself.
The benefits of choosing this peripheral version of living have a limited shelf life.As cozy as it is, this repetitive overconsumption of repetition leads to repetitive undercreation. The temporary relief sedates us. It paralyzes our ability to actively engage/create/and experience life from our unique version of creative life force.It becomes an autopilot choice to be a passive bystander rather than an active participant.
Why am I the only exception to my deepest belief?An unconditional love and acceptance of what is…unless what is, is me.This episode is an invitation to renovate the well grooved neuropathways of our mind to a home that feels good instead of just familiar.
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Unresolved

Just because art can clarify and illuminate and help you feel through things, doesn't mean that those things resolve or feel complete.The subconscious expectation and unfulfillment of that expectation can do some damage.If this episode feels incomplete it's because I feel incomplete right now and I'm going to let it be incomplete because as you know, I am working on not demanding everything I create to resolve something inside of me.(And ironically, maybe that will resolve everything. lol. )Get this episode as a free substack post. I call them my visual podcasts :) click here.
 

Heavy Christmas Bubbles

 Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. It's all I've ever known. This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt . I grasp for moments like chasing bubbles. Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact…Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE.

How Photography Has Betrayed Me

Photography has betrayed me.It’s given me an out under the facade of going in.It’s become an emotional to do list too long to ever conquer.Just as I brain dump my ideas and to do tasks onto a paper in an effort for relief and fake accountability, I take pictures when I’m seeing something that feels too much, thinking- I’ll feel this later.My friend asked me the other day in response to my photographic frustration- “can’t that moment be enough? The thisness of that moment and why you photographed it?”- can’t it be whole on it’s own without feeling like there’s a further emotional processing that needs to happen?It was such a wonderful question that felt like buoyant possibility.And I immediately felt the answer I didn't want...nope.Today I ask you one of the most important questions anyone can be asked in life- the same question that revealed my sophisticated subconscious self sabotage that made me consider putting the camera down for a while.Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE. 

I felt nothing.

i started baking bread.most might not find that cause for concern- but for me, it’s alarming.
1/3 life crisis?(too old for 1/4, too young for mid)i’m feeling a little refreshingly lost.lost in a way that feels more like freedom than panic.
I had a major shift in my headspace after my recent trip to Europe.I'm ready to talk about it.subscribe for free visual podcast episodes

homesick for me: 2 Weeks Away From Home

2 weeks away from home.this episode is not yet about my trip, but about the idea of leaving my kids for 2 weeks, re-evaluating home, work, and a life loosened from being constrained by roles.Subscribe to get visual podcast episodes to your inbox.https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/show notes- more conversation on full time artistry and part time work:
FULL TIME ARTIST & part time work w/Morgan Bukovec

To be 35 at 4am.

i’d rather sleepwalk through the day than sleep through the life that chose to visit me at 3:45am on my birthday.read & subscribe here: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/

Desireless Action- The Only Guaranteed Way to Avoid Wasting Your Time.

“You wasted my time! You wasted my time! This is the worst day ever!” My son screams in panic after an idyllic time eating dinner on the river bank and throwing stones in the water. I found myself telling him, “I understand that you feel panic and upset that we aren’t going to get to do what you want but that doesn't have to take away from the good time you just had. It doesn't have to be a waste.” I'm laughing at my hypocrite self as I'm saying this knowing full well this is probably the number one thing I yell at myself about internally about EV-ER-Y SIN-GLE DAY.How can we guarantee we aren't wasting our precious time on this earth?After listening to a meditation on desireless action and reading a how to poetry book, I found an answer.
What came to me has given me a renewed sense of power and relief.How can we bridge the gap between our desired result and present desire?Pretty damn easily actually...subscribe to my substack to get episodes delivered to your inbox (with pictures:)) 

ASK YOURSELF GOOD QUESTIONS (mentoring helps)

Today is about the profound impact of good questions.Introspective questions.The issue is, sometimes we forget to ask ourselves (good/non self deprecating) questions.So, having someone to talk to is really important.*someone who is more concerned with listening than speaking. *someone who is more curious and expansive than lovingly trying to brace you for impact.*someone who has the ability to ask really fucking good questions rather than offer (irrelevant) advice.
Really good questions happen when someone is listening for what you're not saying just as much as what you are saying. They happen when someone is more invested in your wellbeing than their ego or fears.
This is my lived experience of working with a mentor/coach over the last 4 years.What happens when we get asked good questions?Our world opens up.Want to read and look at pictures instead of listen? Subscribe to my substack.

Finding Your Natural Current

My used book called me a hypocrite.I almost didn't record this episode because I had nothing to say.I followed my unproductive instinct and magically found something to say.Your turn...GET VISUAL PODCASTS STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX.